Slayers Excellency (Chapter 3)
Canon: Slayers/Excel Saga
Title: Slayers: Excellency Chapter 3 - Burrito of Burden, Tamales of Terror, Quesadilla of Chaos
Pairing(s): Lina/Gourry/Punching
Warnings: It is still a crossover of Slayers and Excel Saga.
Wordcount: 1,212
Summary:Lina and Gourry somehow survive eating Hyatt’s “medicine,” and Zelgadis makes a “friend,” and the author continues to fail at having an overarching plot.
Excel swung the sword as she walked, the exhilaration of theft filling her with a sweet rush of joy beyond that brought on by even the fattiest of meats. Wishing to crush this happiness in her senior, Elgala thought as loudly as possible, “I wonder when she’s going to tell us who Martina is.”
“You really shouldn’t think so loudly while I’m holding something this sharp,” Excel growled. “But fine. Awhile back, before either of you joined, there was another ACROSS member. And now she’s not an ACROSS member anymore. End of story.”
“That’s the end? I, Elgala, believe that most stories have a beginning and middle as well.”
“Keep up that sass and you won’t have a beginning or middle.”
“I, Elgala, don’t know what that means… but perhaps I’ll save my questioning for later.”
* * *
Lina awoke sweat-drenched and panting, falling out of the sheets like a badly-wrapped fast food burrito. Gourry was there for her before she could so much as cry out, her lifeline from a world of nightmares and bad Mexican food analogies.
“Lina!” he called out. “Lina, you’re all right!”
“Gourry… Gourry, it was terrible… questionable plot… wavering characterization… emo… unfunny filler episodes… dragons done stole my spotlight… ”
“Shh…”
He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair, and somehow, she felt better. A whole lot better, actually. Maybe it was just the last of the drugs still lurking in her system, but she felt nothing of the crippling awkwardness that usually showed up whenever Gourry invaded her personal bubble. His embrace was so comforting, so safe and warm that she didn’t even want to blast him for hugging her suddenly, or doing that thing where he sat next to her bedside waiting for her to wake up which, frankly, she would’ve found quite creepy behavior coming from anyone who didn’t have the brains of a jellyfish.
Yes, Lina felt better… until she realized that he was not, as she had previously assumed, next to her bedside, but rather in bed with her. She corrected this problem instantly, punching him with enough force to catapult him across the room.
“Ah! I see you’re awake.” Sitting by her bedside, the monster with brains well beyond those of aquatic life (and quite creepy indeed), Xellos smiled brightly until Lina punched him, too.
“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!?” she demanded.
“You were poisoned. Why, you very nearly died,” he said, cheery as ever. “So I brought the two of you up here to sleep it off. You mustn’t worry, though; Mr. Gourry was mostly a gentleman.”
“Mostly?” Lina and Gourry echoed in unison.
“Well! One can hardly help what one touches in one’s sleep, can one?” He turned a sympathetic smile to Gourry, opening his eyes just long enough to wink.
“Darkness beyond twilight-”
Gourry was back on the bed in a flash, hand clamped over her mouth. She shot him a defiant glare that practically said, ‘I will bite you.’
He sighed. “It’s okay if you bite me, but don’t cast that spell.”
This proposition seemed agreeable to by all, and was quickly enacted. Lina turned back to Xellos while Gourry whimpered over his bleeding fingers. “Where are those women?”
“Long gone with your things.”
“You just let them go?!”
“I thought it’d be more sporting for you to go after them yourselves.”
Lina rubbed her temples. It didn’t help that she felt vaguely hung over. “How long were we out, anyway?”
“Oh, not too long. It’s around one o’clock right now,” he replied with a shrug.
“One o’clock what day?”
“My, already right on the ball!” Xellos replied. “That’s my girl.”
“That’s not an answer. And I’m not your anything!”
“In any event, it really was only overnight.”
“So we missed breakfast,” Gourry noted, voice tinged with whininess. “I feel like I could eat a bear, and somehow I don’t think that guy is bringing us room service.”
“What g-” Lina began, but was cut off with the crash of a door kicked open
A bald, scarred, ridiculously intense man burst into the room, with a miasma like a mazoku and the carcass of a bear strapped to his back. Lina and Gourry embraced once more; this time, a hug of pure fear.
“Room service,” he said.
* * *
Zelgadis’s quest for a cure had led him to many bizarre and discomforting situations. He felt that he was growing a sense for them, though perhaps a more accurate assessment would be that he had a keen sense of cynicism and a vast confirmation bias. Either way, he had the feeling that the rest of his day would not be a pleasant one, and that feeling was confirmed quite thoroughly when he stepped into the empty playground… empty, that is, but for a single grown man on a park bench.
Zelgadis tried not to look directly at the derelict wizard, instead focusing on the path that led away from this playground. Reputedly, this path led to the laboratory of Tenmangu the Teal, one of the Five Great Sages, and a well-renowned expert in chimerism. Not that Zelgadis had the best of luck with Great Sages in the past, but desperate chimeras called for desperate measures, and he was a little short on leads that week anyway.
Much like Zel himself, the man did not make eye contact. He stared at the playground, an expression of wistful sadness on his face. Zelgadis decided not to disturb him, but he spoke first, not deigning to turn his head. “The sorcerer’s not in, you know.”
“Yes, I know,” Zelgadis replied, slightly put-off. Everyone but Gourry knew that Tenmangu the Teal had been missing for two decades.
“The reason why the sorcerer is not in,” the man went on, “is because I am that sorcerer.”
“You,” Zel replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re Tenmangu the Teal.”
“I don’t believe I ever said that. But why, are you looking for him? I’m rather interested in finding him myself. Among other things, he owes my mother a great deal of alimony.”
Of course. The only thing more irritating than dealing with magical mad scientists was dealing with their relatives. “I’m not interested in your father. Just his research.”
“Now that,” the man replied, glancing over for the first time. “That, I can help you with. Why don’t you show me that face of yours?”
“No,” Zelgadis replied instantly, more out of an instinctual dislike than any actual protest.
“Purely academic interest, mind you. I’m not interested in the bodies of men.”
Zelgadis frowned. This had not been a concern until it was mentioned.
“You seem a bit… hesitant? Perhaps it’s time that I introduced myself.” He nudged his glasses, stood up, and brushed himself off. He then stepped onto the park bench, launched into the air, performed a perfect double-backflip, nudged his glasses again, and said, “Gojou Shiouji, Super Sorcerer… at your service.”
Zelgadis stared for all of two seconds of raw disbelief before turning and walked away.
“That’s a professional job,” Shiouji called after him. “What were you looking to add on? Horns?”
Zelgadis kept walking.
“Nothing so tacky as wings or gills, I hope?”
Zelgadis kept walking.
“But I suppose the real challenge would be turning you back to normal, wouldn’t it?”
Zelgadis stopped.
January 6th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Oh, Zel. You know this is a bad idea*, and yet you are going to do it anyway.
* See: inherent cynicism.
Lina and Gourry continue to amuse.
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:57 am
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