Uncreativity & Idiodyssey

Being jobless is awesome! All you do is draw webcomics and go out to movies and ride unicorns into the sunset! If any of you still-employed people out there want to spend some of your precious time seeing a movie, here’s what I think of Iron Man, Speed Racer, and Prince Caspian!

Iron Man - NEEDS MOAR BLACK SABBATH but that has very little to do with anything

I will tell you something: With the exception of Adam West certain incarnations of Batman, I hate superheroes. I hates heroes like I hates kittens. I’ve never read or watched a superhero series without going on to regret it. At best, it goes down that long, spiraling path to suckitude, like Heroes; at worst, it Josses out and you feel all emotionally violated. You might as well be a CLAMP fan.

Well, now that I’ve properly shown my dirty weeaboo colors, I’d like to say that this movie is hella bitchin’. The wit is genuinely witty, the cool bits are genuinely cool, and I genuinely wanted to have sex with Tony Stark. Yeah, you heard me.

Is Iron Man still out? I never pay attention to these things. I’m a little baffled at the 90-something% score it got on Rotten Tomatoes, but I can’t argue that it’s awesome. Go see it!

Speed Racer - FUCK YEAH

You are likely to enjoy this movie if you have favorable opinions toward the following:

1. Bright colors
2. Ninjas
3. Dumb things
4. Things happening every second
5. Dumb things happening every second
6. Stuff that’s bitchin’, albeit perplexingly so

I’d never seen an episode of Speed Racer (unless that episode of Dexter’s lab and the Geico commercial count), but I liked this movie even better than Iron Man. I’ve seen it described as being trapped inside a pinball machine, and that’s exactly the effect. I just happen to think being trapped inside a pinball machine would be TOTALLY AWESOME. Speed Racer is surprisingly good in ways it has no right to be. It’s cute, it’s funny, and it’s generally not awful in every way I expected it to be.

Besides, Racer X is played by Jack from Lost. If that’s not worth a laugh or ten, I don’t know what is.

Narnia - NOTHING HAPPENS THE SAME WAY TWICE, LUCY, OR AT ALL IN THIS MOVIE

I was shocked at how utterly bland this movie is. It’s beautiful and all, but not even my childhood could keep me interested. I was so bored I couldn’t even muster up any atheistic indignation. I wouldn’t call it bad, per se, but it suffers from “second movie” syndrome hardcore, and it feels like it’s about ten hours long. I lapsed into a prolonged fantasy sequence about how, in the Harry Potter world, muggles will eventually find out about the wizards and exterminate them all. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to introduce those smug magical bastards to radiation poisoning. Fuckin’ wizards.

I am possessed with a desire to learn Japanese, a desire which could only have resulted from the subliminal brainwashing implanted into all those episodes of Pokemon I watched in high school. Wait, did I just say I watched Pokemon in high school? Jeez, that’s not only admitting that I was too old to be in Pokemon fandom then, but that I’m too old to be in fandom entirely now…

Well, no matter how much residual embarrassment comes from my age in proportion to my watching of children’s cartoon shows, I want to learn Japanese. I guess that’s not a novel thing. I think most of us anime and manga fans want the magical androgynous Japanese Fairy to visit us in the night, waving its Pretty Love Nihongo Wand, strengthening our Weeaboo powers that we might better wallow in our own elitism and hatred of dubs (it’s okay, guys, I hate them too).

Of course, it’ll never be that simple. Japanese is often a needlessly difficult language (DISCLAIMER: ENGLISH IS ALSO A NEEDLESSLY DIFFICULT LANGUAGE), and learning it is a long and arduous task, uphill in the snow, barefoot, and paper hasn’t been invented yet so you have to do your kanji practice on stone tablets.

Still undaunted? Good for you! And now, in my magnanimosity, I shall help you with the bitchinest language-learning tool of all… pictograms!

This is the hiragana ‘a,’ which is pronounced ‘ah,’ as in, “Ah, I would really prefer you not stab me in the eye.” Don’t you feel more scholarly already?

+1 JP
45 JP to next level

I had a dream the other night that I went to Japan, but I couldn’t speak Japanese well enough to order food at any of the restaurants, so I had to ride around on their clean and efficient public transportation until I could find a Wendy’s.

Note to self: Research whether there are actually Wendy’s restaurants in Japan, just in case.

Today’s hiragana pictogram is ‘i,’ which is pronounced ‘ee,’ as in, “Eeeeeeee, I just love Richard Nixon!”

‘u’ is for your uke face